I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
