just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
