Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
