When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
