i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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