I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
