I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
