this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
