Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
