I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
