Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I CAN MOONWALK!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
