I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
