Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
