Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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