you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
