You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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