Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
