Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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