Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
