Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
