you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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