i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
