We got so high we made milksteak
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
