you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
