Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
