Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
