I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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