Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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