this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
