This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
