A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
