yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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