Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
