quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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