dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
