I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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