You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
