Your mouth is God's brothel.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
