My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
