My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
