Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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