Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
