Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
