I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
