if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
