I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
