you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
