So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
