no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
