your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
